…or it’s a lie? I don’t know.

Know what totally sucks? Well, several things, but the main one being I went to write something here and the computer’s on and I’ve no damn clue what it was I wanted to say.

So my sweet GP is at her new practice, pretty far away. And as much as I love her, I was debating whether I was going to seriously want to travel that far. My mind got made up for me, though, in a really sad and unfortunate way.

You know my sleep clinic is one of those doctor’s offices I just have the ultimate respect for. The medical assistant I totally loved (this lady ran a tight ship) left and was replaced by another who… well, I think she wasn’t the most awesome on the phone, because she seemed pretty decent in person. And that was pretty much the only fault I could imagine with the office… you know, the new girl wasn’t quite able to fill the epic shoes her predecessor wore right off the bat.

So I had to call them to refill my prescriptions, like I do every month. Because people are douchewads, I needed to have a hard copy mailed or we needed to pick up a hard copy of the prescriptions… Because evidently, not allowing auto refills and giving someone a piece of paper is more secure than encrypting something sent to a pharmacy. Whatever.

So I call. And several hours later, I get a call back. They are closed. For good. Not just their clinic, all their clinics. Everyone was let go on Wednesday. I should have gotten a robocall on Friday, I guess. I didn’t.

Okay, first, I’m freaking out because these prescriptions aren’t ones anyone wants to fill. Then I’m concerned because I can get them filled, sure, but I know damn well nobody wants to manage them that isn’t a sleep specialist. And apparently all the sleep specialists are out of a job in my area. I am sure they’ll get sucked into some neurology and pulmonology departments, but really. Really. I don’t want anyone to be overseeing these things that doesn’t feel comfortable doing so. That remains a long term concern.

Then… as I’m starting to sound a little freaked out I realized the poor lady on the phone… the one who scheduled me there for the first study like fourteen years ago… is starting to sound really, really bad. I worked at a wire service in the 90s (about the time of my first sleep study, hey!) and as the dotcom bubble burst we had people in PR and marketing calling in with press releases that essentially announced their unemployment publicly. That was harsh.

That was nothing – nothing – like this. And I thought, my god, I need to get my head out of my ass. I told her, “Oh my god. I am so sorry.”

She just kept the sobs out of her voice. The place was evidently financially somewhat strapped, but it would seem no one was clear on how strapped until they were told — doctors, nurses, administrative staff — not to come in the next day. She was there with a few others to shut things down. She was there at the beginning. And hell, I feel for her. Which just made the following “oh shit” scramble worse for me.

So my sweet GP knows me, but she is far away and I can’t get in to see her that quickly. I am still officially at her old office, and have a new GP there. Mr. Shoe is going to be away mid week through the weekend. My sleep doctor is out of work, and for all I know has all his worldly belongings tied up in a hanky on a stick and is jumping on CSX trains heading south to pick oranges… I doubt it, but humor me. He’s not reachable.

At least it was pretty much all the sleep clinics that closed, so I wasn’t the first call and won’t be the last. But (and this is a good thing) I need to see the new GP before she will refill (and that is a good thing) so what would have been routine or even more workable if things hadn’t gone this way and Mr. Shoe wasn’t going to be away is suddenly a lot less workable. And that doesn’t make me feel any more secure about what happens next. I don’t want to have to go in on a monthly basis… but this new GP doesn’t know me, we have no history. I can understand completely why she might want me to.

Plus, I don’t think I can handle all these new doctor patient relationships. It’s a long and complicated story, being me. I don’t think Dr. K will be accessible any time soon, even if he stays in the area. So I feel like that might really color how far away my sweet GP is when all is said and done.

Oh Yeah, The Other Thing

Speaking of new doctor patient relationships, I had my ENT visit. I love the ENT. No, I hate going there. You know that. It’s not that I don’t like the ENT, or the audiology or speech people or the front office staff. I actually have found them to be quite pleasant if way too rushed or completely confused from time to time. It happens. I just, for whatever reason, hate going there.

Went in for the hearing test. I’m such a moron. I’m like, I wonder if the audiologist knows that the left earbud here is all quiet and muffled and stuff? I’m actually thinking this and I didn’t put it together till the next day that it was because I couldn’t hear. I have some conductive hearing loss on my left side. I guess this is why I feel like I’m yelling and everyone says I’m mumbling. I guess it’s also why I can’t always quite make out what people are saying on television and stuff. It could be partly why I’m still sort of unbalanced (physically. No accounting for the rest.)

I guess conductive hearing losses in adults are usually some sort of obstruction… Of course, had my ears looked in and such and nobody saw quarters or wax or bugs or anything, nor any obvious infections, so I get to go have a CT scan of my temporal bone (again) and then get to see the ENT who, as my ENT said, is really into E. The EENT. I guess he is a surgeon, but who the fuck knows what is actually happening in there (the ENT didn’t say that. It’d be sorta hilarious if she had though).  So we’ll see. I don’t expect miracles. But I have another person I get to try to go through my history with before I get overtired and the office visit time allotment runs out. I am thrilled over that.

I totally just got handed off though, eh?

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