I Can Think Without Using My Butt!

…Just not particularly well!

Okay, a few things, before you ask: No. I do not know anything. I will not know anything until at least Wednesday of this week, but it probably honest to god will be more like Monday or Tuesday. And as much as this sucks, I am pretty damn sure they will not find anything that requires I see them before the scheduled appointment on October 13th. In fact, I have an odd feeling they might not have all the stuff they need by then. There are a few things they are looking at in the slides made from my 27 ass cheek samples (actually, I think they grabbed some from my leg and back too…) There is a reason… a reason that it was honest to god surprise on the nurse’s face when the other nurse (who I have affectionately named Nanny Ogg… if you know what I mean, you kick ass and you know that I was in good hands) related the number of samples taken. They took more tissue than one normally sees done when they suspect carcinomas or whatever. There is also a reason (beyond the number of slides they have to look at, but I bet it plays a role) that they told me it would take seven days at least for anything to come back, but most other people going through there would know in three to five days.

That’s all fine and dandy. If I had it to do over, I’d still refuse the conscious sedation. I think the one period of crappiness that I had during the procedure was due to the contrast that they used to better visualize the mass. I have had tons of CT contrast in my life and it is not generally a problem. I am not allergic to it, I don’t take any insulin or pills to treat insulin resistance… But damn, it seemed like the initial hot flash/metal taste/holy crud I peed myself feeling lasted a long time. Then about half way through the procedure came that nasty feeling of nausea and feeling all hot and sweaty and like I would pass out if I was standing up, instead of lying there having them poke a giant guided needle through three muscle groups… I have a funny feeling my blood sugar might have bottomed (heh!) out on me and then evened off on its own. I am wondering if that was courtesy of no food and a huge dose of contrast.

At any rate, it wasn’t that bad, and it beat feeling hung over. And I was sort of surprised that things were pretty well behaved the next day. It definitely hurt, but it wasn’t as bad as I would have thought.  It bled for about two days (not horribly, but enough so that I laid off the naproxen for a little longer) and has been pretty nicely behaved.

I mean, I feel like crud, but at least the little biopsy site is okay. I am just getting that lovely feeling that the hardest part about finding out (or not) what is going on will be dealing with other people’s reactions. And I know that knowing won’t stop theories on why this shit happens, even though chances are good no one knows why and even if we did, it wouldn’t really change much now, would it?

But the deal is the ten day workup is normal when they are sure that what is going on isn’t your run of the mill sort of situation (I am still pretty sure it was less the size of the mass and more the depth of it that was a concern to the doctors… It wasn’t insignificant size-wise, but if it had been in a dermal/fat layer or maybe even in the gluteus maximus (heh!) it would have been a little easier to dismiss with a “we’ll just watch it” call). I know that they tend to want to look at stuff deeper in because removing a 10 cm mass once your leg has all atrophied and stuff is something everyone wants to avoid… and often enough, that’s how it plays out. I mean, it wasn’t a bad recovery with a little .20 something gauge needle, but you start cutting extraneous tissue and taking out through incisions… man, I would not be walking around right now, since essentially it was stuck in the hip abductor muscle area.

So the long and the short, no, no updates. I am tired, and I feel yucky, but my left ass cheek is still running circles around me.

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