All Right, Deep Breath

I am tentatively venturing the statement that things are slightly on an upswing. This of course leads to the inevitable feeling of relief mixed with the knowledge that things will roll in again, because they haven’t all entirely rolled out — I always have a few “souvenir” symptoms left with me.

There’s also the feeling that I want to cram all the things I can do into the next five seconds, because who the hell knows if I’ll be able to do anything in ten.

We are still waiting on the hospital and the insurance to stop blaming each other when it comes to a hospital stay, but most doctors and specialists consulted — from general internists, to neurologists, to nephrologists — are all certain it is an autonomic nervous system dysfunction, more on the order of Parkinson’s or (hopefully, we’ll find) a less unfriendly Guillain-Barre or Shy-Drager than a postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome or vasovagal syncope. So anything done in terms of baseline diagnostics won’t be really diagnostic, it’s just going to be informational. And I’m starting to wonder how much I care about baseline information if it’s going to take forever and I’m going to be stuck in a hospital, very capable Dorktor aside, that’s so thick as to not grasp the idea that I am taking stuff as prescribed, and the hospitalization is to see what breaks worse in a controlled environment, not to keep me away from medication. Believe me, if I could, I’d run from that crap as fast as I could. In short, I’m uncertain whether one or two Dorktors full of win can cancel out a whole hospital full of doofuses.

And there are a few priorities to what needs fixing. I’d like my brain to be sharp and alert and awake, and I’d also like to be able to go more than a half hour without drinking water before I start to feel dehydrated. And I’d like to stop having to pee that much. The constant peeing — I have half considered suggesting an enlarged prostate to certain health care workers it was mentioned to, to see if they, um, got it (I have to wonder at this point) — is what causes the dehydration and drinking. It’s also a real pain, because if I am able to go out, I need to go somewhere where I can bring/get/and keep with me a bottle of water. And while I am not at all a germaphobe, there are limits to what I will accept when it comes to public restrooms, if you know what I mean.

In the meantime, I am kind of trying to cram it all in before the buzzer sounds again. Whenever that may be.

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