Set the Flowbee to Negative 11

My hair is doing another massive migration (to the floor, drains, and doggy intestinal tracts… hey, you asked. Wait, you didn’t. Sorry.)  It isn’t too surprising based on history, what we kinda know now, and the fact that there was a surgery that was pretty frickin’ major in the middle of an event that in general does cause shedding in vast amounts. But I shouldn’t see the Sewer and Water guys out in front of our house and imagine they’re snaking the sewer because of my hair, and seriously, that was my first thought when I saw them last week.

You could tell it was thinner last year (I also think consistency changed, which makes it feel weirder than it probably is). This year, there are a few small bare patches. I don’t like to say that, because it’s an all over thing generally, but there’s a pretty good map of thinness on my head that shows affected nerves and probably sweat patterns.  More than anything it is annoying. It pokes in my already irritated ears, eyes and face, and then makes me feel like I have the crawlies. (So that jumping spider that fell out of my shirt today was a real wake up call… no, it isn’t just your hair. I put the spider outside, by the way. I adore jumping spiders. At least in North America, they have such big chips on such tiny little shoulders.) And of course, the aforementioned shedding everywhere, which is a pain to clean up after, and… yeah.  I have hats and stuff,  and it helps with the head irritation a little, but mostly it’s the fact it is still pretty long for stuff that falls out in ginormous handfuls.

And getting it cut is rough. I mean, I have no energy to do so. Yes, it does take energy to sit in a chair, even if the hair dresser says nothing. More than I have, folks, which is sad.  Plus, they try to style it. Like I would do more than wash, towel off, and comb it even if I felt okay… Okay, like I would do more than that and it wouldn’t still look like a bird habitat.  And if it is falling out like this, then comes the pitching of the products. It isn’t breaking, it is falling out. Different. And even if I were inclined to have extensions stuck on (oh yay, that sounds doubly annoying!) it’d probably be a waste, given that the stuff we’d extend falls out when you touch it, or sweat.

I kinda want to just grab one of those “I have little boys and a husband who could seriously give a rat’s ass” hair systems and set it to four or five and just buzz it off, but I am also a little afraid. Not because it’ll look funny (oh, hell, it will look funny, that’s a given. But it’s nice to make people laugh.)  I’m afraid because I think it’ll seem totally drama llama prior to going in to Mass General next month.  Like I’m expecting something… Actually, you know, my guess is that eventually they will either do some chemo and/or cut the little sucker out of my brain, but I don’t know if the chemo is enough to cause total shedding (sometimes they find, depending on what’s going on, smaller doses of different sorts of rogue disease clobberers in tandem work best). So I do have this annoying feeling that they will know this and think I’m… I dunno… People think dumb things… Like I’d be bracing for it (no, that’s what blabbing online about it is, not shaving my annoying fuzz off). Why do I think anything would seem unreasonable along those lines at this stage? I mean, even if nothing they treated it with made my hair fall out more (or keep it from falling out… unlikely, as just about everything tends to cause that, but at this rate, it might seem like less shedding) I’d like it to be gone for a little while mostly just so damned annoying.

I don’t have to bring up the dogs’ digestive tracts again, do I? Seriously annoying for everyone at home, and the city water and sewer guys, too.

Truthfully, at this rate, might not have a choice, and I actually look pretty good in hats. I am not so much a scarf person, because then I want an eye patch and a peg leg. And a monkey or a parrot… Parrots are easier to get hold of, but a monkey is handy (and opposable thumby!)

No, parrots and monkeys are scary weird smart… And an eye patch and peg leg are not really great with my already unsteady self. But I do tend to say Arrrrrr! and tell Mr. Shoe to swab the poop deck too often when I wear a head scarf. It isn’t encouraged, needless to say.

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