Okay, I won’t link back since I never break up posts on this site anyway, so if you’re really interested, you can just scroll down a few posts… But as you all know, I have talked about how I feel about things not having to be motherloving hunky dory constantly when, you know, they aren’t. I think it’s good to be honest with yourself, and to not feel as though it’s weird to feel badly over a nasty situation.
That’s also why I think that it’s good to keep in mind that you also do really make your own happiness. That sounds like more of a disconnect than it really is. I mean you really can’t rely on anyone else to make things better for you. People can sure help making things better for others, but really, as an individual, you don’t have much more say over that than — well, if you lose your left eye, your spleen, and a large portion of your right leg in a freak clown-pie-fight-airshow-collision-meteor shower accident. Lots of random stuff can happen, good, bad, or otherwise, and you don’t really get much say in it, beyond how you react once you can think, and then ultimately how you deal with it. Even long term, that can be pretty limited. so it’s good to realize that really you answer to yourself.
It means that you can have an impact on that little bit of your life you do really have a good honest say so over. Of course, it means kinda tough stuff like you can’t blame anyone for your own dumb mistakes, but I’ve always found it’s harder to admit to myself that I’m acting like a big fat ass than it is to someone else. So then telling everyone that you screwed up actually gets a little easier. I think what’s a lot harder is to cut yourself the same sort of slack you’d give other people if they screwed up in a similar way (and probably, if they haven’t, they have some sort of mess in their history that halfway relates. I mean, if you’ve met someone who says they haven’t royally screwed some pooches here and again, they’re lying.) But I guess that knowing that I have some say over the state of my own internal happiness helpful — I mean, it is a lot more helpful than shutting up about any concerns or trying not to think about the fact that bad things can happen. They can, and acknowledging that doesn’t mean that they will for certain or that I believe they will.
Let’s put it this way: For me, anyway, being honest with myself makes me happier. And that ultimately gives some sort of control in a situation that isn’t controllable. And yes, friends, I am a self control freak. I think I must be. I think it’s why I hate the cloudy brained “behind the eight-ball” feeling. It’s why I don’t get why the hell anyone wants to get drunk or high, actually. No, I mean, the idea of a buzz is disturbing. I probably wouldn’t feel that way if I actually had an on/off switch that didn’t stick in standby most of the time.
So there. Be nice to yourself. But not cause I told you to be. You know, you can be nice to me, too. I promise I won’t give you a third degree burn. Swearz.